I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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