I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he puts the penis in happiness.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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