update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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