Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize