textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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