if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
