Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize