Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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