Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
