I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
