dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
