my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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