I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
