oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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