do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
