your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
