so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
