At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
