what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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