I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize