guys are not supposed to queef...right?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
