Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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