I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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