He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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