So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
