how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
