I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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