We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize