I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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