I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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