I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
