You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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