i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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