Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
