We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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