I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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