I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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