you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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