i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
