it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
