I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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