I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
