When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
