Ambien. No doubt about it.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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