how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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