He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize