She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
