This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
