fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
