Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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