My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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