the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
