Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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