Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

I'll start drinking again when I know where I am

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(416): View more from Ontario

Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.

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(917): View more from New York City

I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.

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(256): View more from Alabama

she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump

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(510): View more from California

i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.

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(415): View more from California

She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?

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(+57): View more from

I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.

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(716): View more from New York

I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.

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