so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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