I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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