Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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