Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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