i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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