Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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