Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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