I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize