Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
