Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
