I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
