How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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