I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize