the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My cat gives me a boner
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
