I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
