i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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