Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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