yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
