Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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