Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
