Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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