i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can I color on your dick again?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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