What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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